The Suit that I Wear
Every day I look for the zipper
A simple way to escape
Wondering why,
Why this must be my fate.
A fate I had no say in
One that was created
Before a noise was uttered
Or sight was seen
By the arbitrary development
An appendage you see
This world was created
But not for me
Still I look for the zipper
With the desire
The one to be me
With a definition my own
Throwing off these words
That have taken my voice
No one can understand what it means
To really be me
In place that a zipper can be found
One that will reveal the truth
It takes work, you see
I have to pay to be me
I pay for these decisions
Ones that I didn’t make
It will never end
I will always be in conflict
With my community
Trying to be something
That was prescribed to me
A simple picture caused this travesty
That zipper leaves marks
That never heal
Week after week
Forcing things into this body
Praying that eventually
I will see, the real me
I am told that this is what it means
What means to be me
Further entrenching my identify
In this place
That is simply a disgrace
Where even those like me
Impose a future of black
And of white.
They say there is only one way,
that deviation makes you
An abomination
The one that causes this tribulation
My circuitry cannot be held
In a definition created before me.
It contains twists and turns
It contains Shades and hues,
of colors that can’t even be seen
Of Patterns not yet drawn and
Textures that can’t be felt
Please don’t force me,
Just let me be
Leave me to find my zipper
I will wear it pride
A different shape,
And yet to earn that figure
I have to wait
Your society wants to label me
Label me like a disease
Putting records in place
Allowing for you to remember
My disgrace
Telling me that this difference is not allowed
You push yourself on to me
Defining words
Defining me
A chance to be Normal
To hide
To run
Hoping that I will fade
Further into this stream
Where possibility does have an end
And dreams cannot survive
That you see is the fate you created just me
I have no desire to fade
No desire to be labeled
Your words will no longer take my voice
Your gaze will no longer be my battle
Even when I find my zipper
It is not for you
Only for me
I will wear your label
I will pay your price
But in the end
You will see
These barriers will be broken
Regardless of my zipper
But at last these are just words
Created before books were written
Differences were set
And light was seen
A construct of generations before
Invented without my consent
So is it really me, or something else
That is to be seen.
~Codi Knaupp~
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